and the bride didn’t wear a kaftan…….

jessica sarah handyWhen I got married I had a great desire to wear a Kaftan. Not just any kaftan but the holy grail of kaftans a Camilla Franks kaftan. I had a vision of a bright silk number with layers of eye catching colour underneath a Singaporean sunset.

This idea got instantly trampled by my friends and family. “You out of all people are going to wear a big muu muu on your wedding day”…. Well it was just a thought….

Ok the kaftan or muu muu did not happen and I loved the dress I inevitably chose. However one of the deciding factors was this…..

Men hate Kaftans- You would like you’re husband to find you attractive on your wedding day

And secondly
The Kaftan could have worn me.

If you are on the smaller side a Kaftan can engulf, swallow and leave its victim drowned out of the picture. Hmm and who wants that on their wedding day?

If you are a bit curvier, you will look better in a Kaftan-Especially if you have an impressive cleavage. Kaftans were made with curvier women in mind.

There is another thing about Kaftans. If you are not holidaying in some exotic destination or the weather is not above 25 degrees. You can look partially inappropriate. How do I know this??? -Because for writing purposes I am wearing a Kaftan today.

Yes we live across the road from the beach and it is approaching summer. However it is cold and I am wearing jeans under my Kaftan. I should be in Singapore sipping a Singaporean sling not sipping on a chai latte moaning about the weather. On the upside- I could probably have a piece of slice with the latte as well- let’s face it no one can actually determine what your body actually looks like underneath a kaftan.

The thing is I like wearing this Kaftan. Yes it covers my body in a sack like way but that sequinned neckline makes me feel a bit exotic and puts me in a holiday mode. This Kaftan has taken over my personality. I could have a Pina Colada on a Wednesday at 11am in this Kaftan. …..
But I won’t…. I flick the kettle on and make an instant coffee. I look outside and note the grey skies and debate whether to return my Kaftan to the closet or not. Damn it I will leave it on and just turn the aircon up a notch or three……


If you have lived a fashion once would you do it again??

90's revivalwideleghatyingIf you have lived a fashion once would you do it again??

Last night I was browsing through a number of on line stores. One thing that was noticeable was there is so much variety in fashion at the minute. You can dress from any era you wish. Even mix and match the eras if you so desire. I have to say I am a fan of it. Personal style- I’m all for it.

One thing I did note was a fashion collection of 90’s revival. I was a teenager in the early 90’s and my fashion was very 90’s. I really dislike 90’s fashion and I have no intention of repeating it again……

I have noticed this in others too. My Aunty was a 20 something night clubber in the 80’s with an ultra-hip 80’s wardrobe too match. She had skinnies in white wash known as “bubbly gum” jeans. Her wardrobe overloaded with power shoulders to put any Dynasty Character to shame. Have I ever seen her in skinny jeans since they exploded back into fashion? No. Have I ever seen her in anything resembling statement shoulders? Absolutely not.

These are my top 6 picks of “I WILL NEVER WEAR AGAIN”

Tiger striped hair- I had orange tiger stripes at about the age of 14. Oh how I loved it. The thought of chunky highlights still makes me shudder.

Wide Leg Jeans- Wide leg jeans were very cool. I actually can’t believe I had a pair on reflection. Wide jeans with an ultra-cool button fly were very cool mid 90’s. I can’t say I have worn a pair since. Unflattering, makes everyone appear several inches shorter than they actually are and reminds me of the school yard-Instantly banned in my wardrobe.

Denim Dresses with buttons- Oh how I loved this dress…when I was 12. I had one for my first Modelling Graduation. I found this dress (well not the exact dress) last night on ASOS under “90’s revival fashion”. Pass on that and I am starting to feel old……

Cord Pants- I had a pair of bright orange cord pants oh and not to forget lime green cord pants. I also briefly dated a guy that wore solely cord pants a few years ago and no they had not come back into vogue. I have cord pant issues. Cord pants are not to be seen in our house- ever.

Mambo memorabilia tees- I had one. One oversized t-shirt with a large fish smoking a joint on it… I can’t believe I was allowed to wear it on reflection. So hideous and from memory so expensive-Mambo- Love your artwork but I wouldn’t wear a mambo tee ever again.

New Age Clothing- Ying Yang jumpers, gypsy dresses in velvet and tie dye in burgundies and teal. Oh and Guatemalan berets. I never had the velvet dress but I have to admit I had the jumper and the hat. Oh god I am cringing writing this. No I will never don again. Oh and hemp.

On the upside- I love an 80’s shoulder, a 50’s skirt, a 70’s Mexican top and anything in between. As I sit here writing this I look down at my floral blazer and wonder if I will look back in 15 years and think …What on earth????????????????? More than likely….

Eek I became a smug married!!!!!

_DSC0673Remember Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw the pioneers for single women all over the world?

Well I loved them whole heartedly when I was a singleton and for that matter now as a happily married, smug married.

One of the things I remember was what Bridget Jones referred to as “Smug Marrieds’”. You know when your single and you go to any event and someone who is usually married or in some sort of serious committed union will indeed ask “Are you seeing any one at the moment?”, “How’s your love life?”, “When are you planning on settling down?”. “I’m so surprised you haven’t met anyone serious yet?” Well that’s what you call a smug married.

Questions such as this used to infuriate me. It is rather difficult to settle down if you have no one remotely appropriate or even totally inappropriate to settle down with….

Smug marrieds would also ask questions such as “How many kids do you want?” What kind of answer can one give to this when your current state of love life is as the chorus line of Friends theme track would call it DOA (Ha, I am such a girl of the 90’s).

I actually caught myself being a smug married the other day. I was interrogating a single friend about her love life and actually thought to myself, “Oh shut up”. My interrogation came after she told me she had a huge bunch of girly DVD’S to watch that evening as I ignored the football game playing in the way to close background.

Anyway as much as I love being married (I am really over emphasising this as I am a smug married now!), I can tell you there are certain things you will never do as you did as a singleton….

My first and foremost- Clothing, footwear and any other type of accessories are must haves- whatever their cost. The night before I went on my first official date with my husband I decided I was going to wear an expensive Karen Walker number. I had no way of actually affording this. However… I did have a sensible mattress on layby. What did I do? Cancelled the layby and bought the dress. Could I do that now? …Possibly not. “How great do I look darling and by the way we don’t actually have a mattress arriving now….”

Eating cereal for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner-This really is not a possibility for a committed girl. “What’s for dinner?” (Oh and I have to admit my husband frequently cooks), “That would be a bowl of oats topped with banana and brown sugar for the 3rd night running darling”….. Not likely.

Staying up late watching entire series collections of girly television- Actually to be perfectly honest I still do this just not as frequently. I think I have watched the last episode of Sex and The City at least 30 times and manage to shed a tear every time (there are so many hidden things in that last episode, you know??). Although it is difficult to shed that tear when your husband is standing in the hallway saying “I just never really got into this show”. Great, go to bed, I love you; let me indulge in this female ritual.

Doing a grocery shop that consists of nothing more than dip and crackers and perhaps a few Lindt chocolate balls- This would be the equivalent of my husband serving me a six pack of beer for dinner.

I booked and paid for a holiday I couldn’t really afford when I was single and was left with about $5.00 for the week. I didn’t care. I had my breakfast cereal staple.

So there you have it. The next time a smug married questions your romantic prospects consider shooting them back a line such as “I best be off, I just bought myself this divine Karen Walker dress. I want to try it on with a million different shoes and accessories whilst watching Sex and The City 2 again….. whilst devouring a whole box of Lindt chocolate balls for dinner”.

Visible Pant Line- A Fashion Crime or Fashionably Fine?

www.jessicasarahdotcom.comIf there is one thing I detest its VPL. You know- visible pant line.

Anyhow I don’t walk around analysing people’s clothed bottoms in great depth just looking for a VPL. It’s just sometimes VPL literally is impossible to ignore.

I personally think VPL on my behind is a fashion sin. Unless I am wearing heavy denim, there is no possibility for VPL occurring.

Reasons for this- I have a definite bottom …..

If I was to wear a “brief” my bottom is cut into 4 quarters.
If I wore a “boy leg” they would ride up uncomfortably.
If I wore “frilly French knickers” I would still be able to detect the lace on close analysis.
If I wore a “seamless nanna pant” I would feel about 85 and half the time you can still see a line.

Is this every pant covered? (Excuse the pun)

So clearly I wear a G-string, or a V-string which are basically bottomless underpants.

But there is always a flip side to the brief or G-string debate-

Bending over and displaying the top of your G-string is not classy and never ever chic. Have I been guilty of this? – Unfortunately yes…Cringing…

Wind does blow and you will undoubtedly show complete strangers your bottom. But you won’t actually be aware of this 90% of the time if that’s any conciliation.

My husband just informed me some men dig panty lines… (Ok, well if you’re single perhaps try wearing a visible brief while shopping at the supermarket secretly searching aisles for potential suitors)

A hipster jean, a G-string and a backless chair in a café, bar or any other establishment where the general public dwell is a tricky situation. Tip- Sit with your bottom in a corner seat that backs up to a wall. No one wants to enjoy a latte while viewing your plumber’s crack (no matter how great your bottom may be…)

So there it is- I have put it on the line. The visible pant line that is…..

The luxe trackpant…..

DSC_1438Have you ever bought something that isn’t exactly you?

Well I did the other day. I had been eyeing of a pair of silk pants from my favourite shop in town. Well technically it is the only clothing store in town but it is a really, really good one. Anyhow the pants were $140 originally and had been significantly reduced. So clearly now was the time to invest.

The pants are a bit like an elastic waisted, silk pair of track pants. Anyone that knows me knows I do not own track pants. Some people can wear track pants like jeans- you don’t really notice them. But track pants and I don’t mix.

So these were my version of the track pant. Hmm what to wear them with- all black with tan accessories I decide. Oh and a pair of aviators. I really like an aviator style shade however my persona is just not quite cool enough to pull them off without feeling partly ridiculous (I have included a photo for your entertainment).

I first wear them down to vote on Saturday (for Canadian readers we had an election), on Sunday I wear them for brunch in town and on Monday I wear them again for Kindy Gym. Gee these really are like track pants- they are sure getting a workout….

If you wear something that isn’t you it can be strange. 99.9 per cent of my wardrobe is structured. Not tight, structured. Not these pants they are generous -Generous enough to eat a second handful of seafood at lunch yesterday without a second thought.

There is also something different about the way I walk in these pants. If you are wearing heels you don’t stoop, you don’t sit cross-legged in a skirt or dress on the couch (unless you want to look really raunchy in front of company) and you walk with your legs close together.

Not in these pants. In these pants you sort of sway and sashay at the same time. Perhaps I should name this term “swashaying”. When I wear them I feel like I should be backpacking around Peru but on the luxe side. I would have to take the deluxe room at the hostel in these pants.

I am not planning to give up my normal lady like wardrobe as much as I love the comfort of these pants. As the lady in the shop told me…. “You can dress the pants up with heels”- true so true. So I bought the other 2 pairs on sale as well. You just never know when you will need a pair of pants to “swashay” about in.

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Oh I forgot to create a vision board……

mood boardsAre you familiar with a Concept Board, Mood Board, Inspirations Board or even a Vision Board???

Well I always thought they were reserved for art students or people on house renovation shows. Oh I was just so wrong….

Whatever you like to call your “Board”, they are just “so right now” when it comes to things to do.

Everyone is creating a board of some description these days. I don’t have one but I am calling mine a “vision board” when I do. I really feel the term “mood board” is edging into passé board territory. Actually I am possibly wrong- I recently read an article that said a “vision” board was for dreamers. It insisted on throwing out your “vision” board for an “active” board….one could only imagine what that entails.

Hmmm what to envisage on my … board…

Some people such as fashion designers create boards about their new collections. This makes sense. Even Vera Wang does it. But I don’t have a collection. I do have a collection of my personal clothes though…… that’s an idea a vision board of possible wardrobe outfits.

The other day I actually read a Vogue article about developing personal style and they did suggest…. creating a “style mood board”. Gosh even Vogue is recommending us to go back to basics with cutting out clippings and pinning them to cork boards to display artfully in our homes.

Other people create “home renovation vision boards”. Basically it’s cutting up your Real Living, Vogue Living and whatever else you read to create the ultimate home décor scheme. You could even pin fabric swatches to your vision board. I could do that. I am now getting why people use Pintrest so frequently now. It would be a lot less messy.

Some people create “life vision boards”. This entails cutting lots of things you would like in life and pinning them to the board. You could pin a cruise ship sailing to exotic locations or pin a super imposed picture of yourself outside the pyramids. Gosh you could pin a Burmese cat and yourself having a hot chocolate on the couch if that’s what you so desired.

I can’t believe I don’t have an established board- of any description.

Honestly I have the board. I even have the tacks and pins. I also have the magazines, ready for clipping. The issue is what to put on my vision board. I have way too many visions to condense into an artful display. Some weeks I want a Siamese cat, other weeks I want to move the family to a non-English speaking country, gosh sometimes I paint three quarters of our furniture white. My mood board would be the most multi personality board ever created. It could have me institutionalized if it was out for public viewing.

For now a mental vision board will suffice.

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The miu miu bag in Prahran

miumiu-real or fake?I seem to be constantly writing about handbags. Here I go again.Last week I was shopping in Prahran, Melbourne. I love the shopping out there. For anyone that likes niche, interesting fashion finds Prahran is the place to head.

One thing that Prahran boasts is its wide variety of consignment and second-hand boutiques. These stores aren’t your average run of the mill second hand stores. These stores are the luxe of vintage shopping.

Anyhow on with the story, I start my shopping. I am really excited. My toddler is thankfully asleep (possibly due to boredom) and my husband soon retreats to a coffee shop or three for the afternoon. I hardly notice. I am in shopping heaven.
I am shopping with a list. I know, so novel. Ok I admit it is not a physically written pen and paper list. It is however an ingrained mental list.
Floral Blazer- TICK
Overpriced Tan Sandals- TICK
Floral Print Shift- TICK

I am having such a great time. Really loving it. I am now in a store that is literally an emporium of old and new. I spot my husband and child. “It’s nearly 5 o’clock, what are you getting?” my husband asks. Honestly I can’t decide the list has become lost in the back of my mind. I grab a half price, white, sleeveless, see through, lace collared shirt off the rack and line up (clearly this item was not on mental list either).
I get to the counter and I note the “special pieces” behind glass. I scan the “special pieces”- Prada Shoes, wrong size, Jimmy Choo Pumps, too pointy and then I see it…
A miu miu bag, just been put out. It is brown leather, cross body style, really nice and about an 8th of the price of a recommended retail miu miu bag. There is a woman eyeing it off behind me. My husband is eyeing me off also in a “Get the bag and let’s get out of here” kind of way. There is no time to doubt the authenticity of this bag. I buy it. And no this purchase was not on the list.

I get back to the apartment. I turn the bag literally inside out. It has an embossed tag but I can’t find a cotton verification tag anywhere. This is not so good. This bag has never been worn. If it has- only for 24hrs, maximum. It also has an extra strap. It smells like leather. It has a few light scuff marks on it. Perhaps the previous owner was so wealthy she just threw it out after she brushed it against her spiky cast iron gate…. Or maybe it’s my worst bag nightmare- a fake….

“Do you think this bag is real?” I ask my husband. Wow he must be thrilled with this conversation. “Yes I reckon, anyway you like the bag”. Good answer. He is definitely covering all bases there. I can tell he is thinking “I hope this bag doesn’t just get thrown in the back of the cupboard to never be worn again” or just “Enough about the bag…”

I Google miu miu bags. There are so many bags to view and I actually have better things to be doing than verifying the authenticity of my new purchase while on holidays. I throw my new bag over my shoulder and look in the mirror. Oh it is nice; I am seriously perving on my new bag reflection.

Whatever the bag maybe- I do like it. Besides if anyone asks it’s from Chapel Street and that’s enough fashion credibility for me.

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The postman knows the unfashionable truth…

postmanThe postman must think I suffer from a several personality’s disorder. It appears that every time I am having one of these days, the post man will appear-

“Husband PJ’” day..I have my husband’s pyjamas on at 11 o’clock on a weekday and vacuuming house wildly. My toddler is still not dressed.He is running around the house butt naked with a dustpan and broom.

“Lady of the night” day…. I have a way too short nightie on, panda eyes and the house looks like a brothel.

“Beauty therapy” day… I am in the shower with a facemask on and the mailman is knocking impatiently.

“Dress up” day… I have decided to try a new look but not half-heartedly. For instance 1950’s housewife without the immaculate kitchen. I may be looking immaculate which means the house will be looking rather dishevelled.

“Supermodel footwear” day… I am breaking in new high heels however I am wearing it with casual attire. This day usually includes pretend European catwalking with loud fashion show music playing (and possible fantasising about being a supermodel at 30).

The day the postman arrives to “immaculate x3 – house, child and I” will most likely never happen. I asked the postman once “have you ever been greeted by a woman in a face mask and a naked child before today?” The response without any hesitation “Oh yes, I have seen everything before”. I could only wonder what other women do in their seemingly normal homes…….

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Striped Overload…. stripes_DSC0637www.jessicasarahdotcom.comStripes- I have an abundance of striped fashion lurking in the closet. I have no idea why this striped overload became so apparent in my wardrobe.

It started with a navy and white tank top that I get serious mileage out of (note cover shot). I actually bought it in London at a supermarket for about 4 pounds. Then it progressed to the lower half of my body, with several striped skirts and pants. Oh and then the season turned and I decided a few striped jumpers would be good wardrobe staples. I bought a cotton one (red stripe) and lashed out on a Gary Begeni grey and black striped number. Not to stop there, I then purchase a fashion savvy Breton long sleeve number followed by a couple of pinstripe 3/4 sleeve boat neck numbers. I really got into it, stripes that is. Strips are so chic, so classic, timeless infact- stripes are just soooo Audrey Hepburn I thought. Stripes are also (particularly the combination of red stripes) totally Where’s Wally. Gosh has Where’s Wally and Audrey Hepburn ever listed in the same paragraph before, I doubt it.

New season resolution “No Stripes” (unless on clearance racks…)

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The red boots that near launched a divorce….


I am lucky I have a husband that I don’t have to hide purchases from (apart from the odd one or two…). I get too excited and I have to show him about 5hrs after shopping has occurred. Apart from this occasion….

Three years ago we were travelling to England for a big holiday a really big holiday. First stop Melbourne. Husband is doing own thing for few days. I am having girl time with mum before 2 year holiday takes place. I have decided against spending a cent apart from perhaps food and drink. I am saving my funds for London.

Walking around the CBD my feet were killing me. My feet were blistered. The culprits were black ankle boots that were studded (possibly with lead).I think each shoe weighed at least 3 kgs. I needed new shoes, pronto.

I see a pair of red leather boots. Hmmm nice and expensive. Over the 300 dollar mark off memory however retailed at over $500. Why is it when something is knocked down from a ridiculous price even $325 dollars looks like a steal? The retail assistant was an older Italian man and before I knew what I was doing I had purchased the boots off this charismatic shoe salesman.

I actually felt bad, which is highly unusual. We hadn’t even made it across the world and I have already started purchasing non necessities. I know I will put them in suitcase and tell my husband that I bought them for 20 dollars on sale in a few weeks. A problem arises- my husband arrives early and I am standing in hotel room with mum in the brand new boots. Husband looks straight at boots. Mum looks straight at boots. I look straight at boots. I am as red as the boots.

“Nice boots, they look expensive” says husband “Thanks” replies me. “How much were they?” says husband. Mum is staring at me. Mum detests lying on all levels. Oh crap, dilemma. “They were $325”- I gulp. Husband looks annoyed, really annoyed. Hmmm this is awkward.

I can tell he thinks this is a ridiculous purchase. I justify it by telling him they are comfortable. They weren’t, the pointy toes were killing me.

Next day and we are at International Airport- tension still surrounds my footwear. My feet however were looking amazing. We were now checking in luggage- me feeling guilty. Until….

My husband is checking in a heavy cricket bag filled with cricket things (bats I suppose…). “This will be excess luggage sir?” asks the man behind the baggage counter… “Yes” responds husband. Computer generates figure. I am standing their thinking why is he taking this monstrosity of a bag across the world. “That’s $387 dollars sir” replies baggage man. I smile, this is fantastic news. My shoes were not the extravagance anymore the cricket bag is.

I don’t mention the price of the excess luggage and he doesn’t mention the red boots.

Moral of story-

Don’t take your truth loving mother on holidays…..

and definitely allow husbands to carry cricket bags on board without “batting” an eyelid…….
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