The tale of the drop crutch jumpsuit….

CSC_0320The issue for women that follow fashion is that they will undoubtedly strike hideous clothing that they will determine as “workable”. Workable by the meaning “I can make these somewhat unfortunate pants look hot, with this shoe and that belt they will be truly fabulous”. The truth is a lot of fashion is ugly. I own some really hideous numbers that I feel I can work up to a certain level of stylishness….

Here I give you my latest case…

If you happened to read my post “Coffee fuelled EBay Blitz” (if you didn’t you should, it’s hilarious if I say so myself) you will know I recently bought a jumpsuit for a 70th birthday party.
I really like the jumpsuit concept- if you can get it right. My jumpsuit arrived yesterday. My husband bought it inside from the letterbox. “What’s this?” “A jumpsuit” I reply “… It’s for the 70th” I quickly note. The response- “What for our son or you?” (He knows it’s for me…).

I wildly grab the parcel and rip open the express satchel. I am dreading it is going to be too short in the crutch and portray the unwanted “camel toe” effect. It is a size 8 and I know full well my 172 cm could be pushing the jumpsuit crutch length friendship.

I try the jumpsuit on; it is a black satin fabric with a gold zip up the front and a tie front waist. I walk out waiting for applause from my husband. I haven’t seen it in the mirror… yet. “Interesting, is that done up properly?” is the response. “Yes, it’s meant to be like this, I can’t believe how comfortable it is” I reply. “What’s going on with the crutch?” he asks. “Nothing, why?” oh no this is not good. I look down noting ALOT of excess fabric around the crutch area.

I look in full length mirror. Oh god these are drop waist pants in abundance. I look like I am wearing a nappy. This is so hideous. I start ranting about what a complete waste of money the jumpsuit was. “I am sure you will find a way to wear it, darling” is the response.

He knows me too well. I spend the next hour trying to “work” the jumpsuit. At one point I have jeans over the top of the horrific nappy bottom pants. “You might as well just wear a black top darling; it would be a lot more comfortable”. Arghhhhh I agree inside but I am determined to find a way to make this jumpsuit work on some level.I find a sheer black lace dress, I put it over the top of the jumpsuit, add a belt and heels. It is somewhat uncomfortable. On some level this works. I have achieved success on working a horrific near binned wardrobe purchase.I walk out of bedroom. “What do you think …. NOW?” I smugly quip. My husband looks me up and down. “Why didn’t you just buy black satin pants in the first place?”…..because clearly that would be far too easy.

Text and images provided by www. jessicasarahdotcom.com, copyright 2013

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4 Comments

  1. Jules

     /  November 23, 2013

    Omg these pants/jumpsuit are interesting….. I am lost for words…

    Reply
  2. Jules

     /  November 23, 2013

    I can’t find coffee fuelled ebay blitz.

    Reply
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